The jokes on Q
by Amara120
Summary: Harry finnaly is fed up with Toms pranks and decides to get revenge. enter Q and thier friendly competition could turn deadly serious
1. Default Chapter

The data pad slipped from Harry's fingers and clattered on the mess hall floor. He jerked upright, trying to snap to attention. "Yes sir. Sorry s- " He broke off. The mess hall was deserted and dark, the only light coming from the stars outside the window and the low fire Neelix had left on for some stew dish with an unpronounceable name. The fire didn't give off much light, but created eerie shadows that made it difficult to see anything clearly and gave the darkness an illusion of move met. To an outside observer, the odd lighting darkened Harry's complexion, making him look handsome despite his bleary appearance. Harry rubbed his eyes and sigh. He must have fallen asleep over his annuluses of the data the probe had gathered from the anomaly. He bent down to retrieve the data pad, but instead of resuming his annuluses, he set the pad on one of the deserted tables near his chair and carefully made his way across the room to the replicator. "Coffee, Black." Harry told it, too tired to say it was forcefully as he normally did. The replicator chimed in reply, then beeped again as the coffee materialized. With out the cup. Hot coffee splashed Harry's hand and uniform. "Aaah!" he yelped in surprise and pain as he quickly shook the cooling coffee off his hand. "shit." he muttered. Tom's laughter echoed slightly in the nearly empty room and B'lanna's laughter joined in with his.  
  
"Tom!" Harry growled and spun around just in time to catch the towel B'lanna tossed to him.  
  
"Lights," Tom told the computer still chuckling. Harry winced as the lights blinked on. "Oh come on Harry," B'lanna said caching the look on Harry's face. "It was just a joke."  
  
"A joke," Harry said, his anger making his voice slightly deeper and causing a barely perceivable stammer. "You call this a joke." Harry's voice rose, and then he seemed to deflate. "Look," Harry said forcefully, in the tone he had been to tired to use on the replicator. His voice shook a little as he continued. "I'm too tired for this tonight. I," he said exaggerating the pause between each word. "Am going to bed." Harry grabbed the data pad and the doors hissed shut behind him as he left the mess hall.  
  
"Wow," Tom said turning to B'lanna. "he was really upset."  
  
"He'll get over it," She replied absently, her attention fix on the replicator they had reprogrammed earlier. "Pass the hypo-scanner." 


	2. EMH

Sorry this took so long; I forgot I had started it. Enjoy.  
  
Chap 2  
  
The Sickbay lights leeched all the warm colors out of the room. The resulting effect was much like the one produced by an ancient form of lighting called fluorescent, which was used in most educational facilities in the 20th century Earth. Harry looked like hell, but the Doctor, even more robust and chipper than usual, failed to notice.  
  
"Ah, Ensign Kim you're precisely on time for your physical. Perhaps," the Doctor's expression turned dower. "You could convince Mr. Paris to share your punctuality. He was supposed to report for his duty shift at 0900 this morning and has yet to put in an appearance."  
  
"Sorry Doc, I don't think Tom will be hearing anything from me."  
  
"Really! And why is that?"  
  
"It's nothing Doc." Harry said flatly.  
  
"If you say so," The Doctor ran the scanner down Harry's left side. "Although, I'd say something is having a severe effect on your general health. I'm ordering you to take a few days off; you've been working too hard."  
  
"What?! Doc, look, I'm fine. I can't take time off now; the Captain needs me to continue examining the anomaly. We still have no idea what it could be-"  
  
"Ensign," the Doctor said in a tone that was halfway between being exasperated and being soothing. "Voyager has a full compliment of very capable crewmen, the ship can certainly survive your absents for a few days and you could use the rest. Think of it as. a vacation. Relax! Enjoy yourself! Even the most devoted man most take some time off. I, myself, am a passionate golfer."  
  
Harry's shoulders sagged, "Alright Doc." If he didn't give in now, he would be treated to a rambling monolog of the Doctor's prowess in golf. He turned to leave Sickbay as the Doctor began humming absentmindedly.  
  
"Oh, Ensign?" the Doctor called as the doors slid open. Harry paused.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"You could always get him back." 


	3. Meanwhile On the Bridge…

"Anything yet?" Janeway growled. She sat slouched in the captain's chair, elbows on the armrests, and one hand pressed artistically against her temple.  
  
"There has been no change in the anomaly, Captain," Seven said from behind Harry's console.  
  
"You didn't expect it to move out of our way because we're sitting here staring at it?" Chakotay asked, cocking an eyebrow. A smile hovered in the corners of his mouth, which Janeway did not see or chose to ignore. "We may have to go around it."  
  
"Do that and we'll add another three years to our journey, this thing stretches from here to the Gamma Quadrant!" Janeway snapped.  
  
"That is an exaggeration, Captain," Seven corrected. "The anomaly is only 1037.38 light-years across."  
  
"It's an unacceptable delay Seven; we'll have to find another way."  
  
"I could return to astromatrix and attempt to re-examine the anomaly," Seven offered doubtfully, certain that there would be nothing more to find.  
  
"Do it. While we're at it, Tom, see if you can find a faster way around it, over it, or beneath it. I don't care what we have to do, just get us passed this thing!"  
  
"Yes Mama." Tom said automatically, his blue eyes intently flickering across his data read out.  
  
Seven simply nodded primly and left the deck. A young ensign in a neatly pressed uniform quickly assumed her vacated position.  
  
After Seven had left, Tuvok glanced up from his console.  
  
"Captain," he said in his normal, emotionless tone. "Might I suggest that you get some rest? You have not returned to your quarters in over 48 hours, since we encountered the anomaly."  
  
Janeway twisted around to face his bland, Vulcan, expression. "Correct me if I'm wrong, Tuvok," she said in a tone that did not invite any such correction. "But in all that time you, too, have not left the bridge."  
  
"I am Vulcan. I am capable of going for much longer without food or rest."  
  
Janeway smirked and turned back to the view-screen. The anomaly filled the entire view, an impenetrable swirl of purple.  
  
"However," Tuvok said. "I could use time to meditate."  
  
Janeway sighed and rubbed her eyes. "Very well," she said, uncrossing her legs and standing up. "Commander, you have the bridge. Lieutenant?" She gestured for Tuvok to proceed her. As usual, Chakotay waited until she had left the bridge before taking her seat. 


	4. Dr Fontana

Chapter 4: Dr. Fontana  
  
Tuvok sat by himself in the mess hall, with a hot cup of Vulcan tea cradled in his hands. The mess hall was a much different place from the empty room in which Harry had sat working two nights ago. Now, during the bustle of the day, the echoing space had transformed. It was full; full of light, full of food-smells, full of people, and full of the sounds of laughter and conversation as crewmen gathered to share a meal. Neelix presided over the chaotic proceedings, a whirlwind of good nature, walling in the joyous atmosphere, and clanking pots and pans as he attempted to fix edible dishes from the gleanings Voyager collected from a hodgepodge array of Delta Quadrant planets.  
  
The mess hall doors slid open to admit Harry, who was looking much more like his usual self in a clean, pressed uniform and newly shined boots. The dark circles under his eyes were gone, and the haggard expression had been replaced by a look of youthful enthusiasm. Harry spotted Tuvok and moved purposefully through the crowd in his direction, pausing to order a glass of orange juice from the replicator nearest the door. Harry paused diffidently when he reached Tuvok's solitary table. "Would you mind if I joined you, Sir?"  
  
"Not at all, Ensign, although I must warn you that I am under orders not to assist you in continuing your examination of the nebula. The Doctor was most insistent that you relax." Tuvok took a sip of his tea as Harry's face reddened slightly.  
  
"Actually that wasn't what I came to talk to you about," Harry quickly replied. He continued in a tone that was slightly off from his normal speaking voice. "I thought I could use the time off to brush up on transporter usage. I was hoping you could help me understand the theory and application of site-to-site transport in localized areas. I'm afraid I never quite mastered the concept."  
  
Tuvok briefly considered Harry's request. "I do not believe that is in violation of the Doctor's orders. Site-to-site transport was first preformed by Dr. Fontana." 


	5. The Set up and The Q

Chapter 5: Energize  
  
"Hey Tom, wait up!"  
  
"Harry?" Tom paused in the corridor, allowing Harry to draw abreast with him before continuing. "I'm on my way to astromatrix to run these flight plans by Seven. What's up?"  
  
"What's up?" Harry glanced at the ceiling and then at Tom.  
  
Tom laughed at the bewildered look on Harry's face. "What's up? It's slang, used in 20th century Earth. It means ...um... well in this case it means 'what do you want to talk to me about?' but it can be used in lots of other ways too. That's one of the beauties of slang."  
  
"Okay," Harry said, letting another of Tom's occasional obsessive comments about an ancient culture side. "I was wondering if you would like to join me to try out a new holo-program I've been creating?"  
  
Tom blinked, "That was fast."  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"I thought you'd still be mad at me."  
  
"Come on, Tom, you said it yourself; it was just a joke." Harry said slightly too magnanimously.  
  
Tom looked skeptically at Harry.  
  
"Alright, alright. I was slightly annoyed," Harry admitted. "But I'm going crazy with nothing to do. You're not going to make me spend another day by myself in the holo-deck are you?"  
  
"I suppose not." Tom said without any real reluctance.  
  
"Great! 1500 hours, holo-deck 3."  
  
"All right!" Grinning hugely, Tom clapped Harry on the back, relived to have his friend back.  
  
Tom and Harry paused as they reached the turbolift and waited for the doors to open. They stepped inside the small, cylindrical room; Tom stood near to one wall and rested his arm against the railing.  
  
"Bridge." Tom commanded. "You?" he asked Harry.  
  
"Deck four."  
  
"Ah, going to put some finishing touches on your holo-program?" Tom asked impishly.  
  
"No!" Harry replied defensively.  
  
To turbolift doors slide open. "Well this is my stop," Tom said, stepping out.  
  
"See you at 1500," Harry called just as the doors closed.  
  
Tom walked across the Bridge to his post. Janeway and Chakotay glanced up from their conversation, briefly noting his presents, before returning to their discussion.  
  
"That's an interesting idea, Commander," Janeway said, turning halfway in her chair to look straight into Chakotay's serious brown eyes. "Tuvok?"  
  
"The Commander suggestion is ingenious." Tuvok said carefully. "Touching Voyagers hull to the edge of the anomaly should not endanger the ship according to the scans we've been taking and my help us get a better reading on the anomaly. If I may ask, Commander, what made you think of this procedure?"  
  
"It's and old Indian Scout trick, before sensors, they would put their ears to the ground to listen for vibrations."  
  
"And so you deduced that we might "hear" similar "vibrations" if we put Voyages sensors against the anomaly," Janeway finished. "Tom, do it!"  
  
"Aye, Aye Ma'ma," Tom said, grinning. His hands touched lightly upon the controls, easing Voyager forward until her the tip of her bow lightly touched the edge of the anomaly.  
  
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
  
The purple swirl of the anomaly enclosed two figures, standing in space: One was shroud in a dark cloak, its features masked; the other, dressed in a Starfleet admiral's uniform, was Q. "My champions. . . as you so whimsically call them. . . have arrived," Q snarled at the hidden figure. "Can't you hurry yours along so we can get on with this mockery?"  
  
"They are coming," The figure said. Her voice was both softly sad and resolute. 


	6. Doctor's Order's Part 1

Chapter Six: Energize

The Holodeck doors opened revealing the dichromatic "bridge" of Captain Proton's rocket ship. It was perfectly modeled; tiny, with two bulky chairs. Flickering panels dominated the space, covering the all three sides and extending up onto the ceiling. Harry . . . Buster Kincaid . . . stood between the two chairs, blocking Tom's view out of the front window.

"Wow, Harry. I know I'm a genius but don't you think you could have been more original with your plagiarism?"

Harry smiled. "I wrote a new mission; new goals, characters, settings. It's time Captain Proton tries a scenario he hasn't written the program for."

Tom's pale blue eyes lit at Harry's challenge. "Well what are you waiting for? Let's get started!" He stepped inside the Holodeck.

Harry and Tom slid into their chairs. Tom began checking the panels and switches.

"Captain, were receiving a transmission from the President!" Harry said glancing up from his controls, dark hair falling in his eyes.

"Put it through," Tom said, leaning casually back in his chair. A worried, black and white picture of the Doctor's face appeared on a .38 meter screen between the two chairs. "Ah, Mister President, what can we do for you?"

"Captain Proton, thank God! Earth is in terrible danger." The Doctor's voice was low and urgent. The image of his face flickered with static.

"What's happened?" Harry asked. Both men leaned closer, waiting as the Doctor glanced around nervously.

"Chaotica has abducted one of our top scientists, Miss Amanda Finley. She was working on a super weapon; if Chaotica gets his hands on that information the Earth is doomed." The Doctor's voice grew frantic. "Captain Proton, you are our only hope, you _must_ help us!"

"Take it easy, Mr. President, we'll stop him," Tom said negligently waving a hand.

"Thank you! I can not convey what a relief it—" the Doctor broke off as someone amusedly cleared their throat behind him. The sickbay background the Doctor's head had been blocking became visible to Harry and Tom, as he stepped backwards, turning to face Seven of Nine.

"You asked to see me?" She inquired neutrally, only the barest hint of amusement coloring her voice.

"Ah, yes." The Doctor said awkwardly. He turned back to the view screen. "Good luck Captain." As he lifted his hand to turn the viewer off, Seven caught Harry and Tom's eyes and raised a thin eyebrow.

Tom and Harry looked at the dark view screen for a moment, and then simultaneously started to laugh.

"You got the real doctor…"

"Actually it was sort-of his idea, he mentioned some things I could do with my enforced 'vacation'."


End file.
